Life. What do you do when it literally knocks the breath out of you? A blow so hard, it rocks you to your core. It leaves you on your back- gasping for just one, one, single breath? Seemingly hopeless. Lost for words to speak, let alone how to get up or go on.
Grew up a PK (pastors kid for those unfamiliar to the churchy slang lol). First at church, last to leave, alto in every choir, perfect attendance award for every single event, and at 22- found myself unmarried and pregnant. Blunt force blow. Faced with the choice. Adoption or raise this child support-less. Blow. No job, in college, no plan. Adoption seemed inevitable. Adoption seemed the last hope, in my world of none.
8 weeks after the birth of this beautiful baby girl, I found myself haunted by the ghost of her. A ghost, that kept me sleepless, joyless and hopeless. A ghost, I decided, I could no longer live with. After several scary moments. Phone calls. Life changing words spoken. I pulled away from the adoption agency, my precious baby in tow, no idea where to place my next step. Driving in circles. Sobbing. Crying out to God from my heart because I had no words to utter. Faintly, I recalled the words of a familiar hymn.
“When peace like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say It is well, it is well, with my soul It is well, with my soul It is well, it is well with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul It is well (it is well) With my soul (with my soul) It is well, it is well with my soul.”
The words to this hymn have been my comfort for a lot of years now. Through the many blows knocking me to my knees, planning to keep me there, I continued to say, with greater assurance “it is well with my soul”.
I don’t know what your “blow” is today. I don’t know the weight of the burden scavenging all of your breath; but I do know, you have a Jesus, who loves you dearly. I know, that without a shadow of a doubt, you are the apple of his eye. And I know, with great assurance that, this too shall pass. Because of Jesus and the price He paid, you can also say, with unwavering assurance- it is well with my soul- because He is by your side. He longs to carry your burden.
“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”
1 Peter 5:7 KJV